Quote Of The Day

April 25, 2008

Funny Friday Quote:  Can’t understand it!

   My Uncle Jack, a traveling salesman, was driving through Missouri, when he found the bridge over a stream washed away by a recent storm.  A native sat whittling a stick by the side of the wreckage.  “How deep is this stream?”  asked Uncle Jack.

   “Dunno.”

   “Think I can drive through it?”

   “Sure thing.  Why not?”

   Uncle Jack drove head-on into the stream.  His car promptly sank out of sight, and he barely got out with his life.  “What do you mean by telling me I could drive through that stream?”  he cried furiously.

   “Why it’s ten feet deep if it’s an inch!”

   The native scratched his head.  “Can’t understand it,”  he admitted.  Then, pointing to his own waist, he added, “The water’s only up to here on the ducks!”

Bible verse of the day:  Psalm 29:11

“The LORD will give strength to His people;  The LORD will bless His people with peace.”

Prayer:

Dear Heavenly Father

Thank You for such a blessed day!  Father, as I head into the day, I want to think about ways that I can glorify You by always putting You first in my life.  I pray for You to guide me away from any temptations or distractions that the world may toss my way, so that I may stand apart from the world.  I pray that my words and actions will become a living testimony to Your Love and Grace.

In Jesus Name I pray,

_________________________________________________________

AmenApril 18, 2008

Funny Friday Quote:   Honest Young Man

  “Aunt Aggie was distressed when she lost her handbag in a shopping center recently.  An honest young man lad found it and returned it to her.

   “Funny,”  Aggie commented.  “When I misplaced the bag there was a ten-dollar bill in it.  Now I find ten one-dollar bills.”

“That’s right lady,” explained the honest lad.  “The last time i found a lady’s purse, she didn’t have any change for a reward.”

Bible verse of the day:  Psalm 46:10

“Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth!”

Prayer:

Dear Heavenly Father,

I had no idea last night as Jeff and I lay in our bed and the bed began to move that we were in the middle of an earthquake.  When I woke from a dead sleep and questioned why the bed was moving, Jeff and I just went back to sleep, although we just weren’t sure what it was.  We went back to sleep and woke up this morning to find out that we had experienced our first earthquake ever.  Father, I thank You for keeping us safe, and I pray for those that have been effected by it.  I pray as we head into another weekend, that we continue to seek Your name, worship You, and find reverence in You.  I thank You for this day!

In Jesus Name I pray,

Amen

Funny Friday Quote:  Struggling Salesman

   A struggling salesman is walking along the beach in Malibu when he comes across a salt-encrusted piece of metal.  He works for an hour or so to remove the salt.  Lo and behold, it is a very old oil lamp.  The guy starts to buff it to remove the corrosion when poof-a genie appears!

   “Genie, I wish to be a dollar richer than Bill Gates,” says the guy.  The genie isn’t sure who Bill Gates is until the guy tell him to check Forbes magazine.  When the genie calls up Forbes from inside the lamp, he learns that Bill Gates is indeed the richest man in the world.

   “Guy,” the genie says, “you will forever be a dollar richer than Bill Gates.  What’s your second wish?”

   “Genie, I want the most expensive Porsche made:  fire engine red, on-board GPS, and the finest audio system ever installed in an automobile.”

   “That’s easy, guy,” says the genie.  He waves his hand, and the best car anybody has ever seen pops out of the lamp.  The genie then asks the guy for his third wish.

   The guy mulls the problem over and over.  He just can’t decide what to wish for.  “Genie,” the guy says, “I can’t think of anything now.  May I save the third wish for later?”

   “Gee, guy, this is most unusual.  But you hold the hammer–I can’t escape from this lamp until you make a third wish.  Call me when you’re ready.”  And whoosh, the genie disappears back into the lamp.

   The guy carefully picks up the now-ever-so-valuable lamp and places it in the trunk of the fire engine red Porsche.  He turns the radio on to balance the sound and makes all the other adjustments needed to get his great audio system customized to his ears.  After that, he pulls off to the beach and heads south along the Pacific Coast Highway.  Soon, he’s doing sixty, then seventy, then eighty.  The Porsche handles perfectly.

   The guy is so happy that he begins to sing along with the familiar commercial on the radio:  “Oh, I wish I was an Oscar Mayer wiener…”

Bible verse of the day:  Job 22:21

“Now acquaint yourself with Him, and be at peace; thereby good will come to you.”

Prayer:

Dear Heavenly Father,

I pray to continually be a person that celebrates life.  I want to praise You for the gift of Your wonderful Son, Jesus.  Lord, I pray to spread Your wonderful news to friends, family, and the world, with a joyful heart that you have placed deep within me.  Lord, I can’t even describe the love that You have given to me.  May the grace and love that I feel be magnified by the love that I have towards others.  I thank You for this day!

In Jesus Name I pray,

Amen

    So…after Adam was created, there he was in the Garden of Eden.  Of course it wasn’t good for him to be all by himself, so the Lord came down to visit.  “Adam,”  He said, “I have a plan to make you much, much happier.  I’m going to give you a companion, a helpmate for you–someone who will fulfill your every need and desire.  Someone who will be faithful, loving, and obedient.  Someone who will make you feel wonderful everyday of your life.”

    Adam was stunned.  “That sounds incredible!”

    “Well, it is,” replied the Lord.  “But it doesn’t come for free.  In fact, this is someone so special that it’s going to cost you an arm and a leg.”

    “That’s a pretty high price to pay,” said Adam.  “What can I get for a rib?”

Bible verse of the day:  Genesis 2:22

“Then the rib which the LORD God had taken from man He made into a woman, and He brought her back to the man.”

Prayer:

Dear Heavenly Father,

It is so good to laugh.  I think we have become way too serious and just need to enjoy life and all that it has to offer.  The older I get, the faster times seems to be flying by. God, I pray that the time that You give me, is used wisely and lovingly.  I pray for lives to be changed this weekend.  I pray for souls to be saved, and I pray for those walking with You now, to grow even closer to You than they already are. Lord, I just thank You for this wonderful day and for all that it will hold. 

In Jesus Name I pray,

Amen

    “A missionary is chased through the jungle by a ferocious lion, who corners him.  With on other option left, the missionary falls to his knees in prayer.  To his great surprise, the lion also begins to pray.

    “This is miraculous,” says the missionary, “joining me in prayer when I had given myself up for lost.”

    “Don’t interrupt,” says the lion, “I’m saying grace.”

Bible verse of the day:  Psalm 3:3

“But You, O LORD, are my shield for me, My glory and the One who lifts up my head.”

Prayer:

Dear Heavenly Father,

As I woke up this morning and became a little sad about the thought of my family heading back home, I realized that they have a purpose where they are and that You need them there.  And as much as my heart hurts everytime they leave, I know that Your plan is so much greater and the people that they minister to are blessed because of their great love for others.  I pray that You give them safe travel and continue to work in their lives as You are doing to many.  God, I pray for those that read this today.  I pray that they are blessed beyond measure and that Your light shines so brightly this weekend and beyond this weekend.  Father, as challenging as some days are, I know that You can pull us through anything and as I lean upon You for guidance and strength, I can find assurance that everything will be okay.  I thank You for this day!

In Jesus Name I pray,

Amen

A priest and pastor from the local parishes are standing by the side of the road holding up a sign that reads, “The End is Near! Turn yourself around now before it’s too late!”

They planned to hold up the sign to each passing car.

“Leave us alone you religious nuts!” yelled the first driver as he sped by.

From around the curve they heard screeching tires and a big splash. “Do you think,” said one clergy to the other, “we should just put up a sign that says ‘Bridge Out’ instead?”

Bible verse of the day:  Proverbs 4:25

“Let your eyes look straight ahead, and your eyelids look right before you.”

Prayer:

Dear Heavenly Father,

Thank You for another week! I pray that You continue to move through our church, our city, our state, and our country. I pray for safe travel as my parents are heading up here from San Antonio.  May we not lose focus of the mission and most importantly, may we keep our eyes focused on You to be our Guide in the things that You have planned out for our lives. 

In Jesus Name I pray,

Amen

Today is a new day and as we draw closer to March, may we not lose focus of the things at hand.  I just thank You for an amazing week.  I am always humbled by the things that You share with me daily.  I always seem to find rest in You and a desire to want to draw closer to You.  I pray for a safe weekend.  I pray for our pastor and the things that he stands for.  I pray for our church and most importantly, I pray for souls to be saved and for revival to sweep our nation.  There is a purpose for each of us and I pray for those that are seeking it, that they will find it.  I thank You for this day!

In Jesus Name I pray,

Amen

“Farmer Jones got out of his car and while heading for his friend’s door, noticed a pig with a wooden leg.  His curiosity roused, he asked, “Fred, how’d that pig get him a wooden leg?”

    “Well, Michael, that’s a mighty special pig!  A while back a wild boar attacked me in the woods.  That pig there came a runnin’, went after that boar, and chased him away.  Saved my life!”

    “And that boar tore up his leg?”

    “No, he was fine after that.  But a bit later we had that fire.  Started in the shed up against the barn.  Well, that ol’ pig started squealin’ like he was stuck, woke us up, and ‘fore we got out here, the dern thing had herded the other animals out of the barn and saved ‘em all!”

    “So that’s when he hurt his leg, huh, Fred?”

    “No, Michael.  He was a might winded, though.  When my tractor hit a rock and rolled down the hill into the pond, I was knocked clean out.  When I came to, that pig had dove into the pond and dragged me out ‘fore I drownded.  Sure did save my life.”

    “And that was when he hurt his leg?”

    “Oh no, he was fine.  Cleaned him up, too.’

    “OK, Fred.  So just tell me.  How did he get the wooden leg?”

    “Well,” the farmer tells him, “a pig like that, you don’t want to eat all at once.”

Bible verse of the day:  Ephesians 1:3

“Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places in Christ,”

Prayer:

Dear Heavenly Father,

Thank You for Your bountiful blessings.  You always provide what is needed and even when we don’t ask.  You greet us each day and watch over us at night.  You long for a friendship with us and satisfy our very soul by comforting us and loving us the way that a parent loves a child.  I thank You that You have chosen me to be Your friend and that our friendship grows closer and deeper daily.  May I continue to call to You from the highest places and rest in Your Spirit when my body is tired.  I thank You for this day and the hope for tomorrow.

In Jesus Name I pray,

Amen

    “Sherlock Holmes and Watson were camping in the forest.  They had gone to bed and were lying beneath the night sky.  Holmes said, “Watson, look up.  What do you see?”

    Watson obliged and answered, “I see thousands of stars.”

    “And what does that mean to you?” Holmes asked.

    “I suppose it means that of all the planets in the universe, we are truly fortunate to be here on Earth.  We are small in God’s eyes, but should struggle every day to be worthy of our blessings.  In a meteorological sense, it means we’ll have a sunny day tomorrow.  What does it mean to you, Holmes?”

    “To me, it means someone has stolen our tent.”  Author Unknown

Bible verse of the day:  Romans 8:37

“Nay, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him that loved us.”

Prayer:

Dear Heavenly Father,

I first want to give You all the praise for a beautiful day.  Thank You for the precious honor of being able to love my family.  I pray that I am sensitive to their needs and am be able to search for ways that I can honor the things that they do for our family.  I pray Lord that You come and fill Your people with Your Spirit.  Let the light that can be found in each of us shine so brightly, and may we continue to shine for all to see.  Thank You for this day.

In Jesus Name I pray,

Amen

    “A fellow was raised in the back hills of West Virginia–I mean, so far out in the sticks, never in his life had he seen a big city, to say nothing of modern inventions and neon lights.  He married a girl just like himself and they spent all their married years in the backwoods.  They had one son, whom they creatively named Junior.  Around the time Junior reached his sixteenth birthday, his dad began to realize it wouldn’t be too many years before their son would become a man and would strike out on his won.  It troubled him that his boy could reach manhood and wind up getting a job in the city, not prepared to face the real world.  He felt responsible and decided to do something about it.

    He and his wife started saving for a trip the three of them would take to the city.  About three years later the big day arrived.  They tossed their belongings in the ol’ pickup and started the long journey over winding, rough roads to the city.  Their plan was to spend several days at a swanky hotel and take in all the sights.  As they approached the outskirts of the metropolis, Papa began to get a little jumpy:  “Mama, when we pull up at th’ hotel, you stay in th’ truck while Junior an’ I go in an’ look around.  We’ll come back and git ya, OK?”  She agreed.

    Flashing neon lights and uniformed doormen greeted them as they pulled up.  Mama stayed put as Papa and Junior walked wide-eyed into the lobby.  Neither could believe his eyes!  When they stepped on a mat, the doors opened automatically.  Inside, they stood like statues, staring at the first chandelier either of them had ever seen.  It hung from ceiling three stories high.  Off to the left was an enormous waterfall, rippling over inlaid stones and rocks.  “Junior, look!”  Papa was pointing toward a long mall where busy shoppers were going in and out of beautiful stores.  “Papa, looka there!”  Down below was an ice-skating rink–inside.

    While both stood silent, watching one breathtaking sight after another, they kept hearing a clicking sound behind them.  Finally, Papa turned around and saw this amazing little room with doors that slid open from the center.  “What in the world?”  People would walk up, push a button and wait.  Lights would flicker above the doors and then, “click,” the doors would slide open from the middle.  Some people would talk out of the little room and others would walk inside and turn around as, “click,” the doors slid shut.  By now, dad and son stood totally transfixed.

    At that moment a wrinkled old lady shuffled up to the doors all by herself.  She pushed the button and waited on a few seconds.  “Click,” the doors opened with a swish and she hobbled into the little room.  No one else stepped in with her, so “click,” the doors slid shut.  Not more than twenty seconds later the doors opened again–and there stood this fabulously attractive blond, a young woman in her twenties–high heels, shapely body, beautiful face–a real knockout!  As she stepped out, smiled, and turned to walk away, Papa nudged his boy and mumbled, “Hey Junior…go git Mama!“

Bible verse of the day:  2 Peter 3:18

“but grow in the grace and knowledge of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.  To Him be the glory both now and forever.  Amen.

Prayer:

Dear Heavenly Father,

I am always very humbled by Your Power to transform lives.  You always seem to know exactly what we need and when we need it.  That is something that we can’t get from other people.  No matter how hard I search, whether for approval, love, or whatever it is that I am lacking in, no one seems to be able to fill it the way that You can.  I am so grateful to You for showing me that no matter where I am in my life that I always have You to count on.  You are continually transforming my life to reflect more of who You are and my love for You grows deeper and that much sweeter every day.  As I walk with You through this journey of my life, may I radiate that light and the beauty that comes only from knowing You.  May I continue to love unconditionally and seek to Spiritually connect with You on a more intimate level than I already have.   I thank You for this day, I thank You for my family, my friends, and those I have yet to meet, whether through e-mail or in our upcoming move.  May hearts and lives be transformed by Your Loving Spirit and may they recognize that whatever it is that they may be going through, good or bad, that it is that much greater when they go through it with You.

In Jesus Name I pray,

Amen

Bible verse of the day:  1 John 4:11

“Beloved, if God so loved us, we also ought to love one another.”

Prayer:

Dear Heavenly Father,

God laughter is so very important.  Sometimes we get so serious about life that it is hard to remember that You smile or even laugh.  I rejoice in knowing that the laughter that You give to me is a blessing and it reminds me to not take life so seriously, but to enjoy all that it has to offer.  I pray to replace all the times that I am stressed or busy with silly, happy, and joyful laughter that I can get from knowing You.  I pray that it may be contagious to others.  Thank You for this day and I pray for a blessed weekend, full of service and praise.

 In Jesus Name I pray,

Amen