Archive for the ‘Funny Friday Picks’ Category

Funny Friday Quote: Hit by a Thesaurus (Imprint, England)

Did you hear about the van loaded with copies of Roget’s Thesaurus that collided with with a taxi? Witnesses were astounded, shocked, taken aback, surprised, startled, dumfounded, thunderstruck, caught unawares.

Bible verse of the day: Psalm 119:64 (NIV)

“The earth is filled with your love, O Lord; teach me your decrees.”

Prayer:

Dear Heavenly Father,

Lord thank You for making me just as I am. There is nothing greater than coming into Your presence each day. I am thankful to have a Daddy who loves me as much as You do. Your love for me is beyond measure and I pray Father to be filled with that kind of love to share with others. Teach me by Your example how to serve others with compassion, understanding, patience, and kindness. Thank You for this blessed day!

In Jesus Name I pray,

Amen



Advertisements

Funny Friday Quote: Pledge of Allegiance

It was the first day of school for the 1st-grader. After everyone was settled in their seats, the teacher asked the class to stand, put their right hand over their heart, and recite the Pledge of Allegiance.

Scanning the room as the recitation began, the teacher noticed one boy with his hand on the right side of his bottom.

“Johnny, please put your hand over your heart.”

“It is over my heart.”

“What makes you think that’s your heart?” the teacher asked.

“Because ever time my grandma comes to visit, she picks me up, pats me here, and says, ‘Bless your little heart.'”  Jim Kraus

Bible verse of the day: Philippians 1:2 (NIV)

“Grace and peace to you from God our Father and the Lord Jesus Christ.”

Prayer:

Dear Heavenly Father,

Thank You for such a blessed day! Whatever my day may hold, I pray that I conduct myself in a manner that is worthy of You and Your Word. May the words spoken within, be stored in my heart, and shared through love with those around me. Give me the wisdom to know when to speak and to know when to guard my tongue. I love You Father and I am grateful for this day!

In Jesus Name I pray,

Amen

Funny Friday Quote: “I’ll admit it, if you admit it.” (Jim Kraus)

A husband and wife got into a petty argument. Neither of them would admit the possibility that the other might be in error.

To her credit, the wife finally said, “Look. I’ll admit I’m wrong if you admit I was right.”

“Fine,” her husband said.

She took a deep breath, looked her husband in the eye and said, “I’m wrong.”

With a big grin, her husband replied, “You’re right.”

Bible verse of the day: Hebrews 12:14 (NKJV)

“Pursue peace with all people, and holiness, without which no one will see the Lord.”

Prayer:

Dear Heavenly Father,

Seeing people smile and laugh brings me great joy. I am so grateful to You for laughter. It warms the spirit and brightens my day. Thank You for sharing these different things with us. They are just another reminder of how great You are. Thank You for this beautiful day and all that it will hold.

In Jesus Name I pray,

Amen

Funny Friday Quote:  How many states are there?

A retired minister made it a practice to visit the parish school one day each week.  The 4th graders were studying the states, so when he dropped in on the class, he asked them how many states they could name.  They could only come up with about 40 states.

The minister told them that in his day students knew the names of all the states.

To which one little boy replied, “Yes, but in those days there were only 13.” [Jim Kraus. Bloopers, Blunders, Quips, Jokes, and Quotes 2005]

Bible verse of the day:  Proverbs 20:29 (NKJV)

“The glory of young men is their strength and the splendor of old men is their gray head.”

Prayer:

Dear Heavenly Father,

Thank You for this glorious day.  I lift my voice today to give You all the praise that is under the sun.  May I walk in Your footsteps, as You guide me in my life, and fill me with Your Living Water.  May cup run over and into the lives of others, sharing with them, Who You are.

In Jesus Name I pray,

Amen

Funny Friday Quote:  Shipwrecked (Jim Kraus)

A fellow is shipwrecked.  When he wakes up, he’s on a beach.  The sand is dark red.  He can’t believe it.  The sky is dark red.  He walks around a bit and sees dark red grass, dark red birds, and dark red fruit on the dark red trees.  He’s shocked when he realizes that his skin is turning dark red, too.

“Oh, no!” he says.  “I’ve been marooned!”

Bible verse of the day:  Psalm 119:89

“Your word, O LORD, is eternal; it stands firm in the heavens.”

Prayer:

Dear Heavenly Father,

As I sit down today and I scan my day, my heart reaches up to Yours.  May my soul be intertwined with Your will for my life this day, and may the praises that fall from lips and bring You joy and happiness.  I love You Father and I am thankful for this blessed day!

In Jesus Name I pray,

Amen

Story of the day:  Looking back

The Sunday school teacher was describing how Lot’s wife looked back and turned into a pillar of salt.

“My mommy looked back once while she was driving,” a boy interrupted excitedly.  “She turned into a telephone pole!” (Jim Kraus)

Bible verse of the day:  Psalm 143:8

“Let me hear of your steadfast love in the morning, for in you I put my trust.  Teach me the way I should go, for to you I lift up my soul.”

Prayer:

Dear Heavenly Father,

Thank You for today.  May this day be used for Your glory, sharing Your Word with others and loving them as You do.  I pray to become a humbled warrior, speaking Truth to all I meet.

In Jesus Name I pray,

Amen

Funny Friday Quote:  Childhood Sweethearts

A couple, who were childhood sweethearts, had married and lived in the neighborhood where they grew up.

Because it was close to their 50th wedding anniversary, the couple decided to visit their old school.  After a half hour reminiscing, the couple left home to walk home.

Suddenly, a bag of money fell out of an armored car, landing at their feet.  “Let’s take it home and then contact the authorities,” the wife said.  At home, she counted the money:  there was 5 million dollars in the bag!

“We’ve got to turn it in,” the husband said.

“Finders keepers,” his wife said greedily, promptly heading to the attic to hide the money.

The next day, two FBI men showed up at their door.  “Excuse me, but did either of you find any money that fell out of an armored car yesterday?”

“No,” the wife said quickly.

“She’s lying!!” the husband interjected.

“Don’t believe him, he’s getting senile.”

“Sir, start from the beginning,” the agent said.

“Well,” the husband began, “when we were walking home from school yesterday….”

The FBI agents looked at each other in alarm and said, “Let’s get out of here!!” [Jim Kraus]

Bible verse of the day:  Psalm 89:8 (NIV)

“O LORD God, Almighty, who is like you?  You are mighty, O LORD, and Your faithfulness surrounds You.”

Prayer:

Dear Heavenly Father,

Thank You for such a blessed day!  My heart sings praises to You and my soul delights in Your Ways.  May today be used for Your glory with all that it may hold.  I love You Father and I worship You with every breath that is within me!

In Jesus Name I pray,

Amen