Funny Friday Picks, May 2009

Funny Friday Quote: Thirty Minutes to a Cleaner House Part 3

House Cleaning Supplies                                                                                                            Funny Friday Quote:  Thirty Minutes to a Cleaner House (Author Unknown)
 
You’re getting company in thirty minutes.  Your house is a mess.  What will you do?  Welcome ladies and gentlemen, to the third session of Housekeeping Tips for Regular People.  If you’re not a Martha Stewart type of housekeeper, this column is not for you.  However, for the rest of you, this is your chance to learn 15 Secret Shortcuts to Good Housekeeping that your mother never told you.  I will be breaking this segment up into 3 weeks and this is the third segment of the series.
Secret Tip 11:  Vacuuming

Stick to the middle of the room, which is the only place people look.  Don’t bother vacuuming under furniture.  It takes way too long, and no one looks there anyway.  Time:  5 minutes, entire house; 45 seconds, living room only.

Secret Tip 12:  Lighting

The key here is low, low, and lower.  It’s not only romantic, but bad lighting can hide a multitude of dirt.  Time:  10 seconds

Secret Tip 13:  Bed Making

Get an old-fashioned water bed.  No one can tell if those things are made up or not, saving you, oh, hundreds of seconds over the course of a lifetime.  Time:  0

Secret Tip 14:  Showers, Toilets, and Sinks

Forget showers and toilets.  Concentrate on sinks.  Time:  1 minute

Secret Tip 15:  Keeping your guard up

If you already knew at least ten of these tips, don’t even think about inviting a Martha Steward type to your home.

Bible verse of the day:  Psalm 45:1

“My heart is overflowing with a good theme; I recite my composition concerning the King; My tongue is the pen of a ready writer.”

Prayer:

Dear Heavenly Father,

Your Love is such a blessing in my life.  It makes my life so fulfilling that I don’t need anything except You.  You provide an overabundance of joy, that I as a sponge, wish to soak up.  Thank You for this day and all that it hold!

In Jesus Name I pray,

Amen  

 

 

 

May 2009

Created something of beauty and worth

Story and Quote of the day:  Created something of beauty and worth

From Inklings Vol. 2, No. 3, Helen Prejean, the nun whose experiences with death-row inmates led to the movie Dead Man Walking, talked recently about creativity:

In creating, we imitate God…To be a creator is part of what it means to be a human being.  I met a guy on death row in Arizona who had nothing…So he would unravel his socks and weave little necklaces with crosses out of threads.  The first time I visited another death-row inmate, he gave me a picture frame he’d made out of gum wrapper foils.

These men were locked in a small cell 23 out of 24 hours a day; they had absolutely nothing, and still they were reaching out to create something of beauty and worth.

Bible verse of the day:  Ephesians 2:10

“For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand that we should walk in them.”

Prayer:

Dear Heavenly Father,

I am so grateful for the gifts that You have blessed me with.  It is amazing to me to see Your Uniqueness found in each of us, and from them, we can use this creativity to Worship You and bring You Glory.  I thank You Father for loving me as You do and for sharing these gifts with me. 

In Jesus Name I pray,

Amen 

 

May 2009

Extinguish the Flames

Story of the day:  Extinguish the Flames

     The Fort Worth Star-Telegram reported that firefighters in Geona, Texas, were accused of deliberately setting more than forty destructive fires.  When caught, they stated, “We had nothing to do.  We just wanted to get the red lights flashing and the bells clanging.”

     The job of firefighters is to put out fires, not start them.  The job of Christians is to help resolve conflict not start more of it.

Quote of the day:  Tom Nash

“Figure out what went wrong, not who was wrong, when communication breaks down.”

Bible verse of the day:  Matthew 5:9

“Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called sons of God.”

Prayer:

Dear Heavenly Father,

I pray that during a conflict that I am able to keep my peace.  I pray for words of wisdom in knowing the right thing to say so that I don’t escalate things more than they should be.  I pray to seek You out in the situation and to listen for Your Voice to give me guidance and direction during any situation that may lead to a conflict.  I thank You for this day!

In Jesus Name I pray,

Amen

 

May 2009

Faith

Story of the day:  Faith

Imagine a family of mice who lived all their lives in a large piano.  To them in their piano-world came the music of the instrument, filling all the dark spaces with sound and harmony.  At first the mice were impressed by it.  They drew comfort and wonder from the thought that there was Someone who made the music–though invisible to them–above, yet close to them.  They loved to think of the Great Player whom they could not see.

 Then one day a daring mouse climbed up part of the piano and returned very thoughtful.  He had found out how music was made.  Wires were the secret; tightly stretched wires of graduated lengths that trembled and vibrated.  They must revise all their old beliefs; none but the most conservative could any longer believe in the Unseen Player.

 Later, another explorer carried the explanation further.  Hammers were now the secret, numbers of hammers dancing and leaping on the wires.  This was a more complicated theory, but it all went to show that they lived in a purely mechanical and mathematical world.  The Unseen Player came to  be thought of as a myth.

But the pianist continued to play.

Quote of the day:  Craig Brian Larson

“The Christian faith enables us to face life or meet death, not because we can see, but with the certainty that we are seen; not that we know all the answers, but that we are known.”

Bible verse of the day:  Matthew 14:27

“But immediately Jesus spoke to them, saying, “Be of good cheer!  It is I; do not be afraid.”

Prayer:

Dear Heavenly Father,

Thank You for such a relaxed weekend!  My time with You has been fulfilling and restful.  You have recharged my batteries and have begun to prepare me for the next journey in my life.  My faith is ever growing and is dependent on You for every area in my life.  I thank You for this blessed day!

In Jesus Name I pray,

Amen 

 

May 2009

From Discouragement to Hope

Quote of the day:  From Discouragement to Hope

There are so many words that come to mind when I think of the word discouragement.  Some that I thought of immediately were:  sadness, despair, melancholy, loss of confidence, the blues, and pessimism.  There are many reasons that people become discouraged.  I was reading an excerpt from Billy Graham, and I found some of the reasons that he lists to be important.  He writes:  

Perhaps you are discouraged because you think you aren’t making enough money (and you aren’t convinced God can supply your needs.) Or you are frustrated in your job (and refuse to believe God can help you be content.)  Or maybe you are worried about health problems (and you don’t even stop to consider that your life is in God’s hands).

Discouragement is a large cloud that, like all clouds, obscures the warmth and joy of the sun.  In the case of spiritual discouragement the Son of God, the Lord Jesus, is eclipsed in our lives.  Discouragement blinds our eyes to the mercy of God and makes us perceive only the unfavorable circumstances.

There is only one way to dispel discouragement, and it is not with our own strength or ingenuity.  It is to turn in faith to God, believing that He loves us and is in control of the future. 

When we turn to God in our time of discouragement, not only does He provide strength for our situation, but He also turns our times of discouragement into hope.  And, when I think of the word hope, I find far more words that are used to describe it and I find them more encouraging.  They are:  achievement, anticipation, aspiration, belief, confidence, desire, endurance, FAITH, hopefulness, optimism, promise, and reward.

Quote of the day:  Ben Patterson

 “Hope delivers us from the despair that nothing we do matters, and enables us to tackle even the most menial job with vigor.”

Bible verse of the day:  Psalm 27:14  

“Wait for the LORD; be strong, and let your heart take courage; wait for the LORD!”

Prayer:

Dear Heavenly Father,

Although there are many words that describe the word discouraged, there are so many that cancel it out with hope.  I am thankful for hope, because it has given my faith a springboard to jump back from after I have been discouraged.  I am grateful to You for teaching me at the first signs of my discouragement how to come straight to You in prayer.  My prayer is for those that may be experiencing some discouragement in their life right now.  I ask that they too will stop where they are and come to You in prayer and that You will show them the greatness that comes from seeking You first.  I thank You for this day!

In Jesus Name I pray,

Amen

May 2009

Pulling Teeth

Story of the day:  Pulling Teeth

Didn’t you love pulling your teeth as a child?  Once my teeth began to show signs of a wiggle, I was right in there with my tissue paper, trying to get it out.  If it was really lodged in there and I didn’t have time to use a tissue (mostly because I was in school), my tongue helped to wiggle it around to loosen it even more.  I don’t even think I paid attention in school that day (sorry to all my teachers), because my main mission that day was to get the tooth out, and out would come.

Our middle son has started to lose the last of his baby teeth, the ones that usually come out around 9 years of age.  Well, one tooth in particular was trapped with some tissue from the swollen gums.  I don’t know what it is about my kiddos, but 2 of the 3 don’t like to pull their teeth out.  They will let the teeth hang in there for as a long as they possibly can.  At first, he didn’t want to pull it out, because when you looked at the swollen gums wrapped around one tiny part of the tooth, it did appear to have some painful qualities.  You could see the other tooth trying to sprout up, but it was being hindered by the baby tooth that wasn’t coming out.

I told Jeffrey that he needed to wiggle it around a little more so that it would come out.  Eventually, I was able to talk him into moving it around more with his tongue.  Man, I wanted to get in there and pull it out.  But, I didn’t, I waited until he gave me the okay and as soon as he said okay, I was in there, like a child picking up candy from a broken pinata.  His gums were a little swollen for a day after, but eventually the swelling went down and the new tooth has begun to show its self. 

I began thinking about this some more, and spiritually our sin is like that loose tooth.  It’s just hanging around, swelling things up in our life, and hindering the new tooth, or in our spiritual walk, all that God has intended for our life.  Eventually, that old tooth begins to fuse together with the new tooth by the swollen gums.  Isn’t that how life begins to look as well.  If we have sin in our life, the sin starts to look normal to us, to a point that we don’t even recognize the new tooth. 

I want to encourage you to go ahead and pull that tooth out, confess that sin to God, and allow the new tooth or your life to sprout up and grow in the direction that God has planned.

Quote of the day:  Oswald Chambers

“Whenever God touches sin it is independence that is touched, and that awakens resentment in the human heart.  Independence must be blasted clean out, there must be no such thing left, only freedom, which is very different.  Freedom is the ability not to insist on my rights, but to see that God gets His.”

Bible verse of the day:  1 John 1:7

“but if we walk in the light as he himself is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus His Son cleanses us from all sin.”

Prayer:

Dear Heavenly Father,

Thank You for loving me as much as You do.  Your Son, Jesus wiped my debt and has forgiven me of my sins.  I stand before You this day as Your child.  I am so blessed and grateful to call You my Friend.  You are One that shares with me Your Mercy and Grace, and have reached down from Heaven and You have pulled my tooth from it’s root of sin and have made a path for my new tooth to shine as bright as can be.  I thank You for that and for this blessed day!

In Jesus Name I pray,

Amen

May 2009

Resentment towards another, not healthy!

Story of the day:  Resentment towards another, not healthy!

I have found myself in situations where a person I feel has intentionally tried to sabotage my happiness.  Bitterness towards the person began to set in and I found myself asking God to honor my passions in life.  But as the negative thoughts raced through my mind, I found that my passion wasn’t coming to pass.  But what was it that was keeping me from doing all that God had intended for me?  Was there more?  Surely these resentful thoughts of the people that had purposely tried to make my life a living nightmare wouldn’t have anything to do with it?  Or was that it?  Was that what was keeping me from living the life God had intended for me in the beginning to it’s fullest?  I found myself asking God to show me those areas that were keeping me from fulling my calling and that were robbing me of my joy .  The following story came to mind and fit me to a T.   In Restoring Your Spiritual Passion, Gordon MacDonald writes:

One memory that burns deep within is that of a plane flight on which I headed toward a meeting that would determine a major decision in my ministry.  I knew I was in desperate need of a spiritual passion that would provide wisdom and submission to God’s purposes.  But the passion was missing because I was steeped in resentment toward a colleague.

For days I had tried everything to rid myself of vindictive thoughts toward that person.  But, try as I might, I would even wake in the night, thinking of ways to subtly get back at him.  I wanted to embarrass him for what he had done, to damage his credibility before his peers.  My resentment was beginning to dominate me, and on that plane trip I came to the realization of how bad things rally were…

As the plane entered the landing pattern, I found myself crying silently to God for power both to forgive and to experience liberation from my poisoned spirit.  Suddenly it was as if an invisible knife cut a hole in my chest, and I literally felt a thick substance oozing from within.  Moments later I felt as if I’d been flushed out.  Id’ lost negative spiritual weight, the kind I needed to lose:  I was free.  I fairly bounced off that plane and soon entered a meeting that did in fact change the entire direction of my life.

You see my friends, Spiritual passion cannot coexist with resentment. 

Quote of the day:  Craig Larson

“The unforgiving spirit saps the energy that causes Christian growth and effectiveness.”

Bible verse of the day:  Ephesians 4:31 (New Oxford Annotated)

“Put away from you all bitterness and wrath and anger and wrangling and slander, together with all malice,”

Prayer:

Dear Heavenly Father,

It is easy to hold in feelings of resentment towards others that have hurt us.  I come to You right now and ask that You search my heart for any areas that may be hiding resentment and that You bring them to the light.  Life is too short to hold any grudges and I don’t want to hold any in my life.  I thank You for forgiving me for all the times that I have hurt You and because You are a perfect example of how to forgive, I pray to do the same.  I love You and thank You for this blessed day!

In Jesus Name I pray,

Amen