Posts Tagged ‘Funny Friday Quote’

Funny Friday Quote: Hit by a Thesaurus (Imprint, England)

Did you hear about the van loaded with copies of Roget’s Thesaurus that collided with with a taxi? Witnesses were astounded, shocked, taken aback, surprised, startled, dumfounded, thunderstruck, caught unawares.

Bible verse of the day: Psalm 119:64 (NIV)

“The earth is filled with your love, O Lord; teach me your decrees.”

Prayer:

Dear Heavenly Father,

Lord thank You for making me just as I am. There is nothing greater than coming into Your presence each day. I am thankful to have a Daddy who loves me as much as You do. Your love for me is beyond measure and I pray Father to be filled with that kind of love to share with others. Teach me by Your example how to serve others with compassion, understanding, patience, and kindness. Thank You for this blessed day!

In Jesus Name I pray,

Amen



Funny Friday Quote: “God Speaks” Billboards

“God  Speaks” billboards are catching the eyes of highway commuters in Dallas. The billboards feature simple white text on a black background. No fine print or sponsoring organization is included. A list of all that have appeared to date:

  • Let’s meet at my house Sunday before the game–God.
  • C’mon over and bring the kids.–God.
  • What part of “Thou shalt not” didn’t you understand?–God
  • We need to talk–God.
  • Keep using my name in vain, I’ll make rush hour longer.–God
  • Loved the wedding, invite me to the marriage.–God
  • That “Love thy neighbor” thing? I meant it.–God
  • Will the road you’re on get you to my place?–God
  • Big bang theory, you’ve got to be kidding!–God
  • My way is the highway.–God
  • Need directions?–God
  • You think it’s hot here?–God
  • Have you read my No. 1 best seller? There will be a test.–God
  • Do you have any idea where you’re going?–God
  • Don’t make me come down there.–God

Bible verse of the day: Psalm 18:30 (NKJV)

“As for God, His way is perfect; The word of the LORD is proven; He is a shield to all who trust in Him.”

Prayer:

Dear Heavenly Father,

As I woke up today, I couldn’t help but worship You. Father, I lift my voice to You and I pray that what You hear is a sweet sound to Your ear. Thank You for breathing life into me and blessing me with a gift that has blessed me spiritually. Your Love is like no other and it sparks a flame deep within my soul to do Your Will and share with others how great You are. I love You Father and I am so grateful for this day!

In Jesus Name I pray,

Amen

Funny Friday Quote: Prayed for a parking

An overweight gentleman decided it was time to shed some excess pounds. He took his new diet seriously, even changing his driving route to avoid his favorite bakery. One morning, however, he arrived at work carrying a gigantic coffee cake. Everyone scolded him, but he had an explanation.

“This is a very special coffee cake,” he said. “There was a detour so I had to drive by the bakery this morning. I felt it was no accident, so I prayed, ‘Lord, if you want me to enjoy a delicious coffee cake with my coworkers, open up a parking place in front of the bakery.'”

“Sure enough,” he said, “the 8th time around the block, there it was!” [Kraus, Jim. Bloopers, Blunders, Quips, Jokes, & Quotes. Carol Stream: Tyndale House Publishers, Inc. 2005. pg. 28.]

Bible verse of the day: Psalm 149:6 (NIV)

“Let everything that has breath praise the LORD. Praise the LORD.”

Prayer:

Dear Heavenly Father,

Today is the day that You have made and I will rejoice and be glad in it. I offer up to You my praises this morning and I sing a new song. Father may the joyful noise that I make bring glory and honor to Your name. Fill me today with Your Spirit and may the decisions that I make be with a Kingdom mindset. I love You Father, and I thank You for a beautiful day!

In Jesus Name I pray,

Amen

Funny Friday Quote: Can I use the car? (Author Unknown)

A young boy had just gotten his driving permit. He asked his father, who was a minister, if they could discuss the use of the car. His father took him to his study and said to him , “I’ll make a deal with you. You bring your grades up, study your bible a little and get your hair cut and we’ll talk about it.”

After about a month the boy came back and again asked his father if they could discuss use of the car. They again went to the father’s study where his father said, “Son, I’ve been real proud of you. You have brought your grades up, you’ve studied your bible diligently, but you didn’t get your hair cut!”

The young man waited a moment and replied, “You know Dad, I’ve been thinking about that. You know, Samson had long hair, Moses had long hair, Noah had long hair, and even Jesus had long hair….”

To which his father replied… “Yes, and they WALKED every where they went!”

Bible verse of the day: Psalm 105:3 (NKJV)

“Glory in His holy name; Let the hearts of those rejoice who seek the LORD!”

Prayer:

Dear Heavenly Father,

Thank You for this blessed day. Please watch over us this day and lead us according to Your Will. I pray that the words that I speak today are used to honor You and glorify Your name. I pray for safety among my family as they each are on separate endeavors.

In Jesus Name I pray,

Amen

Funny Friday Quote: Noah’s Ark

Ending his sermon, a preacher announced that he would preach on Noah and the Ark on the following Sunday, and gave the scriptural reference for the congregation to read ahead of time.

A couple of boys noticed something interesting about the placement of the story in the Bible. They slipped into the church and glued two pages of the pulpit Bible together.

The next Sunday, the preacher got up to read his text. “Noah took unto himself a wife,” he began, “and she was” – he turned the page to continue – “three hundred cubits long, fifty wide and thirty high.”

Bible verse of the day: Genesis 7:5 9 (NKJV)

“And Noah did according to all that the LORD commanded him.”

Prayer:

Dear Heavenly Father,

You have filled me with Your Spirit and I am so blessed to have been given wisdom and understanding for the things You are asking of me today. Teach me this day how to carry out these tasks with the great gifts that You have given me and to step in accordance to Your Will. I love You and I am thankful for this blessed day!

In Jesus Name I pray,

Amen


Funny Friday Quote: That’s not true (Lowell Streiker)

Pastor Ben Thompson of Mount Pisco Church admonished one of his deacons, “I didn’t see you in church on Sunday. I heard you were playing golf instead.”

The deacon responded, “That’s not trued, Reverend. And I have the fish to prove it.”

Bible verse of the day: Ecclesiastes 8:1 (NIV)

“Who is like the wise man? Who knows the explanation of things? Wisdom brightens a man’s face and changes its hard appearance.”

Prayer:

Dear Heavenly Father,

As I woke up this morning, I couldn’t help but worship You. My lips ring sounds of praise and my heart is light today. Thank You for providing me with love, grace, and mercy.

In Jesus Name I pray,

Amen



Funny Friday Quote: Glad he’s done! (Jim Kraus)

A woman named Gladys Dunn was new in town and decided to visit the church closest to her apartment.

She appreciated the pretty sanctuary and the music by the choir, but the sermon went on and on. Worse, it wasn’t very interesting. Glancing around, she saw many people in the congregation nodding off.

Finally it was over. After the service, she turned to a still sleepy-looking gentleman next to her, extended her hand, and said, “I’m Gladys Dunn.”

“You and me both!” he replied.

Bible verse of the day: Psalm 119:89 (NKJV)

“Forever, O LORD, Your word is settled in heaven.”

Prayer:

Dear Heavenly Father,

Your Word provides so much hope and gives direction for my life. May Your words from the Bible spark a flame inside of me that never dies.  I pray that no person or circumstances can take my eyes off of You and that everything that I do is petitioned before You so that the decisions that I make bring You honor and glory! I love You Father and I am thankful for this day!

In Jesus Name I pray,

Amen